Do you remember that song we used to sing as children? It went:
"He's still working on me;
to make me what I ought to be;
it took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and jupiter and mars;
how loving and patient he must be 'cause He's still working on me."
I sang that song so much as a kid, in VBS, and Sunday School that I probably could have sung it in my sleep. I even believed it, but I never KNEW IT. I can honestly say now that I know it! God has been working on me. My life, my attitude, the way I deal with everyone around me, but especially my prayer life.
I always get up very early in the morning and start my day with Bible reading and prayer. I don't say this with pride because I know that the only reason I do it is because I am so incredibly desperate for God that I can't not do it. And the only reason I am desperate for God is because he has put a desire for him into my heart. There is nothing good in me that would make me seek God, but he sought me!
For the last several months, when I would study the Word and pray, I would often feel that I was not connecting with God. It was terrible! I felt so cut off from God and I didn't know what to do to get back to him. So many things were going wrong and I couldn't do a thing to fix them. For a control freak like me this is really, really bad. I felt myself starting to get angry with God, but I knew that was just dumb. How can I dare to be angry with God when he's God??? So, along I go trying to get back to God, trying to pretend I'm not angry with him, and guess what? It's not working. It's so crazy to deny the feelings I was having toward God when he knows my heart inside and out.
Truth be told, I was mad at God. In my head, I knew without a doubt that God is in control and that what he does is good. In my heart, I was questioning why he doesn't do things differently (read: my way). I know when I have all the answers, I will see that God's ways were and are best. So, instead of continuing to be angry at God, which is foolishness, I repented of my sin because surely this was sin. I had started believing the lies of the enemy. I began to think that I did not matter to God because he didn't do what I asked him to. I became so "me" centered that I made myself spritually sick.
Repentance is such a beautiful word. I feel as if I have been born again, again. God doesn't answer to me, and boy am thankful for that! Left to me, I would screw this world up so bad. Since God has always been God, I think I will just stop trying to "help" him be God.
So, through this convoluted post, probably full of run-on sentences and fragmented thoughts, I hope to tell you that God is still on his throne. He always was. I just got lost and didn't look to him for deliverance. But, thankfully, He's still working on me!!!
Herb & Onion Cheeseball Bites
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These cheeseball bites are so cute and such an easy way to serve a
cheeseball in mini individual sizes. No mess with cutting into a big
cheeseball, and so ...
1 year ago
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